The Nature of a Brass Band


We found this funny a while back and shared it on our Facebook page. Although harsh, we found it a humorous take on the various positions in a brass band and hope you do too.

  • Eb Soprano cornet Too loud, usually out of tune. Convinced he has the most difficult part in the band
  • Principal cornet Conceited – uses too much vibrato
  • “Second man down” or “bumper upper” Either thinks he would make a better principal, or hero-worships the principal
  • “Third man down” Loud brutal musical thug with lots of stamina and no finesse
  • “Fourth man down” Like third man down, only louder and thicker
  • Repiano cornet Waiting for a chance to play principal
  • 2nd cornets Hesitant, out of tune, but can play a bottom C
  • 3rd cornets Loud, out of tune, but can play bottom G
  • Flugelhorn Plays flat. Can’t decide whether to be a cornet or a horn
  • Solo horn Usually a girlie – irrespective of whether a male or female player
  • Tenor horns Can play a unison tone in tune if one of them is dead
  • 1st Baritone Useless player, out of tune all the time
  • 2nd Baritone Even worse player. Only there to show what the first baritone could do if he tried
  • Euphoniums Show-off and trainee show-off
  • 1st trombone Steam driven. Rasps most of the time
  • 2nd trombone Sloppy player, but can rasp even at pianissimo
  • Bass trombone Chainsaw with vibrato
  • Eb basses Look like two drunken farts
  • Bb basses Sound like two drunken farts
  • Percussion Have lots of noisy toys which must be used in the most inappropriate way possible. Must be totally incapable of producing a swing rhythm
  • Conductor So devoid of musical ability that he thinks the above sounds good
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About oddsop

A slightly twisted, open minded, almost normal Yorkshire Lass. I live in Southern part of God's Own County, I'm a complete geek who admits to playing in Brass Bands and fully understands all the "American Pie" film references ;)
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One Response to The Nature of a Brass Band

  1. Pingback: Jumble Spoiler – 08/25/14 | Unclerave's Wordy Weblog

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